We’ve all been there and we’ve all played the different roles I’m about to describe. The daily rat-race commute to work and back has been a major part of daily life for at least the past 30 to 40 years with the current infrastructure and population of people commuting into the city to their various jobs from high profile executives to wet behind the ears university graduates trying to find their path in life, full of optimism for the future (don’t worry they’ll learn). Then you also have your students and tourists in the mix plus everyone else in-between.

Now I’m not sure if most people don’t give it as much thought as I do considering what I’ve seen over the years, but commuting is a serious art form and to optimise the experience to its fullest potential you need to improve on your commuting skills, analyse each detail, what carriage, where in the carriage, is a seat required or would standing be better? And so on and so forth. It’s all about the margins to bring out the best of your commuting experience. Learning this early can improve your commuting experience for years to come and will bring out your leadership skills in the transport network when travelling with your brood or fellow contemporaries. You’ll show them that on this network you are king and they can trust in you. For anything else like financial advice, they can go see an expert.

My commuting experience began in my university days in the ultimate commuting maze of London. Those early days of being a tyro, getting into any old carriage, arriving at your next stop and realising that you have to walk for several yards before getting to the exit or your connection, and then when you get there you just miss your train by whiskers, with the next train arriving in a whole 5 minutes! That’s an eternity in commuting time. I realised pretty early on that if you get into the right carriage at the beginning you at least have a better chance of catching your next train and arriving at your destination on time.

Months or even years of doing the same commute makes you an expert on that route, but the other challenge you have to overcome is the dreaded other passengers. Oh yes you need the patience of Job to endure sharing the same space as some interesting characters.

Sometimes I want to do a Pepe

Some of the kind of passengers that get my goat are the ones who are over-enthusiastic to be the first to exit the carriage. Even when they’re sitting in the middle carriage and the stop is approaching they push through everyone to be the first person at the doors so that they can be the first to exit. You would expect that seeing as they seem so confident as to what they’re next step is then they must be very used to the tunnels, hence their keenness to get to the doors first. When the train then comes to a stop they step out and do the dreaded thing – they stop. They stop and start looking left and right, holding up everyone behind them, and this makes me want to do a Pepe. I want to just start kicking them repeatedly in a fit of anger as Pepe of Real Madrid did to Fransisco Casquero (be amused or horrified with the following link).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec0CT8yzjAo&spfreload=10

Clearly, I would never advocate violence and these are just fantasies of course – besides, the superego keeps all that well in check. That’s just an expression of the level of frustration I feel sometimes when I encounter such passengers. Kind of like how whiskey connoisseurs feel about people who contaminate fine whiskey with cola or other unapproved beverages.

Fellow Gazelles

Like gazelles to the ready at an Olympic track, when the doors open the race to the escalators is on! The underestimated ones and the overestimated ones all on the move like a startled herd. Who gets to the escalators first? Gazelles with good etiquette know to walk on the right-hand side when they are the first to get on it. Those with bad etiquette dictate the pace to the following pack and the one that has a couple of minutes to catch their connecting train is deeply frustrated and could even go around the dithering animal via the right-hand side. Alas the ticket hall gives space for all to dart in the direction most favourable to them. Paper ticket or oyster depending on your preference and away you go.

Tourists are great!

Surprisingly, in a sport as ruthless as London commuting I actually like tourists, and am always happy to be of assistance should they require it. Maybe it’s because I love travelling myself and would want to be assisted when exploring some foreign city without the fear of being extorted or put in danger. Maybe it’s just because it’s good to help out a complete stranger without expecting anything in return, but I find I have a lot of time for tourists. To be fair you don’t really see them during the rush hour period so possibly I’ve just not bumped into them when trying to catch my connecting train. I’d like to believe however that I would still be helpful towards them even when under pressure.

So position yourself well, time your trains right and be nice to tourists. I remember a friend of mine referring to me as “Ese app” after manoeuvring a journey through London Waterloo station with him. You know you’ve made it as a commuting expert when you are referred to as an app!